"And the award for Chasing-Escaped-Pigs-Up-And-Down-Muddy-Hills-And-Through-The-Woods-
And-Blackberry-Brambles-In-High-heeled-Sandals-And-Capri-Pants goes to . . .
What? There is no award for that? Is it an honorable mention?
You mean there there isn't even a category for this type of heroism?
Surely we could come up with a category for this and call it
something . . .
Well, not that, that's just mean."
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